The Depths of Paranoia

** Edited on 09 May, 2009:

The owner of the place contacted me, she was naturally not very happy, but did point out some facts that I had not gotten quite right. And I do want to be factual, so I've added the edits in here, italicized **

I once saw a bumper sticker which read "I may be paranoid, but that doesn't mean they aren't out to get me." Paranoia, is an odd thing. Dictionary.com says paranoia is "..systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission." Another definition it offers is "... characterized by delusions of persecution, with or without grandeur, often strenuously defended with apparent logic and reason."

I know what you're thinking about now. What the hell does have to do with sex in second life? Well,....nothing really, but I do have a few things to get off my chest. Some observations if you will - as well as concern for certain people in the orbit of on paranoid person, who not only wields power of her own islands, but has managed to brainwash some very nice girls into thinking she is as close to a goddess as one can get.

As you know, I don't mention names in this blog - and I'm not going to start naming names now. Those of you who know me, and know this person, will know exactly what and who I'm talking about. The rest, well, does it matter really? I mean, if you have no contact with any of us, then what's the point of knowing who we are anyway? That being said, I will map out some nicknames here, to keep everyone straight. The paranoid delusional person, I'll call "Stalin" ( cause-really, that's how she acts...and I'm not exaggerating here). I'm going to call the slave I have that was involved in part of this story "meat" (because...mmmhhhh...what a beautiful piece of slave meat she is...yummy!). I'll make up the rest as I go along.

Now, I've been told my many...MANY people that Stalin is not a nice person. That she is vindictive and that she quite possibly suffers from one or more mental illnesses. These people, I have always ignored. I had not seen anything in her that was like that. I quite liked her. I have known her for nearly 1 1/2 years. Sure, at times she was short of temper, but I mean, who isn't? Other times, she seemed to have enough patience to make the Pope blush.

But about 2 or so months ago, I felt something changing in the atmosphere of the kidnap, rape, slavery sim where I used to hang out and where I was a slave trainer. I really noticed it, when Stalin took a girl prisoner for wearing shoes shooting arrows at her, and while interrogating her, pulled out several teeth, and most of her fingernails. That seemed a bit brutal for Stalin - who has always maintained she did not like or participate in blood sports. Her RP only got darker and darker from there. I could almost see the waves of wrath and irritation coming off her avatar. The people would quit talking around her. She was running around, breaking her own rules and her own limits. Any question put to her was met with replies full of vinegar.

Then came the "Good Friday Affair" as it has come to be called. A decisive turning point for me, my slave meat, and our future at the sim we had loved, and gave our time talents and effort to freely. For those of you who do not know, Good Friday is the Friday before Easter Sunday. It is the day - to those of the Christian faith - when Jesus of Nazareth was nailed to a cross, and killed. Now, meat used to teach a class at this sim. It was an introduction class - explaining what kind of role play goes one there. Assuring everyone that everything at the place is consensual and that Stalin and all the safe practiced SSC. She would tell them what a great place it was, where even new people were welcomed. Part of her class went over some rules. One rule is, there is no OOC (out of character) below 400 meters. It is a full-time role play sim, and people on the ground are expected to be in character at all times. Another rule is that above 400 meters is OOC only (i.e. no IC above 400 meters). 400 meters being the magic number, as that is where the floor of the mall and landing point is.

During much of the class, Stalin and her minions - one of whom I'll call "princess" cause, that's what she is; though she'll argue she isn't - were talking loudly, and generally interrupting and being a nuisance at the class and making it difficult to teach. It should be noted, that Stalin has been known to eject people who behave this way in other classes. After the class, Stalin entered into an IC game with meat. It should also be noted, the classroom where classes are held are above 400 meters, which means the classroom is OOC - and not IC (since there is no IC above 400 meters). Now, meat, being the nigh perfect slave it is, politely informs Stalin that it has to leave SL soon, and does not have time for a role play scene. Stalin ignores this completely (against exactly what she has preached since I've known her - which is that an OOC "NO" means "NO" and nothing else). Stalin says she will put meat on the cross, where she expected meat to remain during the next class being taught by another person. Please note, again, that meat stated she had to leave second life - which was ignored, and it seems that Stalin expected meat to forgo whatever it was she had to do in real life - and remain on the cross. One of the bystanders asks Stalin "In Good Friday style?" to which Stalin said "yes, exactly."

Now, getting back to Good Friday, the day Jesus was killed. It is not an unreasonable leap to say "they want to crucify me and kill me." Cornered, and threatened with death, meat drew a dagger, and said she wanted to just talk calmly with Stalin. Princess and the other minions around - two that I know of I'll call puta and fairy - drew weapons. Stalin threatened to kill meat again "you are dead" followed by "and no...i am not kidding". It was at this point that meat responded that that she would take Stalin down with her.

Now, lets take a step back here and examine the situation. It's pretty tense. Stalin, by the way, has been role playing being pregnant with twins. So here we are, with a pregnant Stalin with a dagger to her throat. The dagger held by a naked, cornered and scared slave who is woefully outnumbered for any battle. meat stands alone against Stalin and her lackeys. Asking just to talk, to work things out. Seems pretty tense. But let us not forget here, dear readers, that is is all happening in Second Life. A virtual world. It is entirely probable, that Stalin is not pregnant in real life (though, she could be, but that is really neither here nor there). It is entirely probable that meat is not holding a dagger in real life - and even if she is, the chances of her actually being in a position to use it on Stalin is ridiculously absurd. Double so because meat lives 1/2 a world away from Stalin. So, lets keep this in mind while we go through this..mmmkay?

Stalin tells meat to drop the knife, or "you are dead...and no...I'm not joking". meat drops the knife. Stalin then ejects and bans her. Now, mind you still, all of this occurred in an area that is decried by the rules as an "out of character" area. Stalin then rants for a few hours about what a sicko meat is for attacking a pregnant woman. Huh? The way I read it, meat was attacked at the bequest of Stalin, and was defending herself. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I misread the chat logs (which, btw, I'm including at the bottom of this, properly redacted to remove actual names).

So there we are. My slave is banned for reacting to an IC death threat, in an area that is OOC, after she tried to say in OOC that she did not have time to role play. This, mind you is in a sim where snuff, dolcett and death are not allowed to be role played.

So there we are. My slave is ejected from being a house slave, for reacting to an IC death threat, in and area that is OOC, after she tried to say in OOC that she did not have time to role play. This, mind you is in a sim where snuff, dolcett and death are not allowed to be role played. Later that night, she was banned because she answered questions in IMs - the one that was presented as an example, was an IM actually started by one of Stalin's personal slaves - but really that is neither here nor there. Stalin did remove the ban on Easter Sunday (kind of ironic,....huh? Banned on Good Friday - and resurrected on Easter Sunday). She has since been banned again - at the same time as I was.

As you might imagine, I was not very happy with the whole ordeal. Sure, things could have been done differently by meat, sure she could have just teleported out (though, to be honest, that probably would have landed her in the same situation - ejected from the groups and banned). Stalin was furious that I would even infer that perhaps she went a little far with the role play - and OOC consequences for an IC role play gone bad. The way I look at it is this. A slave got the better of Stalin in a role play scene. Stalin could see no way out of it for herself, so instead, she ejects and bans the slave. One rule it seems one should remember if they are going to be playing there: "Do not put the owner of the place in an untenable situation in a role play, because she will take her ball and go home."

Now, this is just how full of herself Stalin can be. After the Good Friday Affair, I asked another trainer to monitor my trainees there, because I was going to need time with meat to calm her down, and get her mind set right again. This seemed very reasonable - at least to me. But did that make sense to Stalin? Of course not, not in the least. She fires off some very angry IMs to me, but finally admits she "will let me have the time off." Uhm...excuse me? She'll LET me have the time off? Or what? It isn't like I was getting paid - so even if Stalin promised to quadruple my salary....4 x 0 is still 0.

That was pretty much the end for me. I had quit in all manners except leaving the groups. Recently, an avatar - newly created just that day - showed up at the sim, in the main gathering area, slandering Stalin, the house slaves and the place in general. Stalin got it into her head that the avatar was me, so she banned me, without a word, in the wee small hours of the morning. Stalin, and I'm jumping to assumptions here, is obviously projecting. For some reason, she thinks I care enough about her or that place to be petty enough to actually go through the trouble of making a new avatar and slandering her. I was informed by the sim owner, that she is not the one that banned us, but it was someone else to whom she gave authority. I did not ask who it was, because quite frankly, I don't really care.

The thing is this. When I started writing this, I really disliked Stalin. I thought she was being petty and judgemental. But as I am finishing up here, I have found that I don't dislike her. No. What I feel for her is pity. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live day to day looking at life with such suspicion. No wonder she behaves the way she does. To look at everyone and everything with such suspicion...it must be a horrible existance. I hope she can find help. I hope she can figure out how to live life to its fullest, without such dark thoughts that everyone is in someway out to get her. In addition, I pity those close to her.

I have been told, that over this past weekend, 115 names have been added to the sim's ban list. 115 names. When I heard that, my first thought was of Pinochet and "the disappeared" as they call the people who simply vanished during his regime. It really is sad, there are some good people there. I have been informed this is not true. I'm going on what the owner tells me, because frankly, there is no way to verify this one way or the other.


From the "The Sim Rules" notecard dated 26 December, 2008 (the most recent as of this incident - though I don't believe they have been changed since then either - emphasis is mine.)

10.There is no OOC Area below 400 meters height. The entire ground level is IC, all above 400 meter is OOC.

** Edit 09 May, 2009 - because it was pointed out I missed a few names while redacting **

[15:14] meat: Have fun and enjoy yourself at the the sim. I will be around a bit longer to answer any question you might have.

[15:15] Stalin: how much is the tent there?

[15:15] meat facepalms and can't help breaking out laughing at all the things Ma'am and princess whisper to her

[15:15] Princess grinz

[15:15] meat: 100 L$, Ma'am - but we'll make a special price of 200 for you

[15:16] Stalin: then i wont take it

[15:16] Innocent Bystander looks at the tent and looks thoughtful.

[15:16] Princess waddles up on stage, preparing to arrest meat

[15:16] meat looks to the Misses and girls at the front, ignoring Ma'am "any questions?"

[15:16] meat: princess , what are you doing on the stage?

[15:16] Innocent Bystander: Thanks for the class.

[15:17] meat: Innocent Bystander, I need your help here it seems

[15:17] Princess: I believe I need to arrest you for Overcharging of Tents

[15:17] Stalin: if you have no questions, say thank you to your instructor, you might not see her for a while - since she is getting arrested now

[15:17] Innocent Bystander: (( I thought it's OOC above 400m ))

[15:17] Innocent Bystander: (( It's outside of your RP jurisdiction *grins* ))

[15:17] witness 1: Thank you! *smiles*

[15:17] The puta: OOC is allowed above 400m

[15:17] The puta: but that won't keep you out of prison

[15:17] witness 2: Thank you meat

[15:17] meat: (( it is no OOC below 400, but IC allowed up here ))

[15:17] trainee c: thanks sis

[15:17] Stalin grins

[15:18] slave 1 smiles and claps "Great class meat, hope you make the next one. Thank you sis!"

[15:18] Fairy: loops holes loopholes

[15:18] meat: Why overcharge if all goes to Ma'am anyway, princess

[15:18] Stalin: Innocent Bystander, pick your side

[15:18] Princess: Arguing With princesss is 30 years, meat

[15:18] Innocent Bystander frowns, wishing she would miss the bondage at the other side of the grid.

[15:18] The puta: choose wisely

[15:18] Innocent Bystander: +not

[15:18] Stalin: meat, do not struggle

[15:19] Stalin: you were trying to overcharge me with the dress,errm, tent

[15:19] Innocent Bystander: Does she have the right to appeal?

[15:19] Stalin: rights?, pfff

[15:19] Princess: yes, on Sundays at 2 PM, that is time for appeals

[15:19] Fairy: well she is already appealing

[15:19] The puta: but she has no rights left

[15:19] Fairy: i thought that it was last Sunday for this month, Ma'am was I mistaken?

[15:19] meat: Who sets the prices for tents, Ma'am?

[15:20] Stalin: uhm, does this month have sundays at all?

[15:20] Fairy: only one

[15:20] Stalin: you tried to do, meat

[15:20] Fairy: last week

[15:20] Princess: The courts are closed on Sundays anyway

[15:20] Stalin: ah, yes, and anyway, we will jsut make up our own calender

[15:20] Fairy: as well as every other day

[15:20] Stalin: give me an hour

[15:20] Stalin: then no sundays anymore

[15:20] Princess grinz

[15:20] Fairy: smiles

[15:20] The puta: perhaps we should change it to "slutday"

[15:20] Fairy: coghs

[15:20] Stalin: much better, puta

[15:20] Princess: I like that

[15:20] Fairy: coughs

[15:21] The puta: in fact

[15:21] Fairy: every day is slut day now

[15:21] The puta: every day can be a slut day

[15:21] Fairy: lol

[15:21] Fairy: jinx

[15:21] Stalin: jinx

[15:21] Fairy: lolol

[15:21] Stalin: so, meat, and now?

[15:21] The puta: and it isn't even about me :)) we're all sluts after all

[15:21] Stalin: what do we do with you?

[15:21] Fairy: but you are the head slut

[15:21] Princess is a slut

[15:21] Princess: wait

[15:21] Princess is a virgin

[15:21] meat: Doesn't Ma'am think that 100 L$ is undercharging?

[15:21] The puta: i give head but i am not in head of anything

[15:21] Fairy chokes

[15:22] Fairy: of the sluts...yepper

[15:22] meat: We should arrest Ma'am for unfair competition - 100 L$ for a tent that's worth 400 L$

[15:22] Stalin: well, meat, you said you want to charge 200 L$ instead of the regular 100L$

[15:22] Stalin: and see, you now even try to start a revolution

[15:22] The puta: what was that meat?

[15:22] Princess: 200L, 400L...

[15:23] The puta checks her ears thinking she 'must' have been hearing things

[15:23] Stalin: ok, disarm her

[15:23] Innocent Bystander laughs, listening to the accusations.

[15:23] Stalin: stripping can be missed

[15:23] meat: Yes, if a slave has to spend 400 L$ to get a bow to defend Ma'am, the slave has to recoup the money somehow, Ma'am

[15:23] Stalin: and then tie her up at the gatherign spot

[15:23] Innocent Bystander: This slave is helping you earn a better profit and you want to arrest her, Ma'am?

[15:23] Fairy: yep too late for that

[15:23] The puta: you want to hand over that bow voluntarily meat?

[15:23] Stalin: and arrest Innocent Bystander too, for supporting the revolutionist

[15:23] meat: Just after buying it for so much money, puta?

[15:24] Princess: ack, Mistress Dagny is going to be pissed that we are arresting all of her slaves

[15:24] The puta: so then you are planning to resist?

[15:24] Innocent Bystander: Sure you jest, Ma'am.

[15:24] meat: She will be - she had real plans for tonight for us

[15:24] Stalin: jest is?

[15:24] The puta: (joke)

[15:24] Fairy: joke

[15:24] Stalin: ah, ok, no i do not, and if Dagny complains, well, we will arrest her too

[15:25] Princess: we need a bigger jail, Ma'am

[15:25] Princess: perhaps we can start jailing people in the tent

[15:25] Innocent Bystander: Oh, it could get quite heated sharing one cell

[15:25] meat hands the bow to puta

[15:25] Stalin: well, we do it differently

[15:25] Stalin: puta, get some crosses here

[15:25] meat: (( I need to go to rl in 15 minutes ))

[15:25] Stalin: we strap these two revolutionists on crosses on stage

[15:25] The puta takes the bow and tossses it over her shoulder

[15:26] meat: During the next class?

[15:26] Stalin: yes

[15:26] Innocent Bystander: A celebration in Good Friday style? ;)

[15:26] Stalin: exactly, Innocent Bystander

[15:26] Innocent Bystander: You'd need six hours for that

[15:26] Stalin: Innocent Bystander

[15:26] meat pulls her dagger

[15:26] Fairy: 3

[15:26] Princess: draw bow

[15:26] meat steps up behind Ma'am

[15:26] Princess: Careful with that dagger around Ma'am...

[15:27] Innocent Bystander shakes her head.. "Drawing weapons against unarmed civilians.."

[15:27] Stalin: waht is this going to be, meat?

[15:27] meat: Just a nice pleasant discussion, Ma'am

[15:27] Stalin: i will tell you what

[15:27] Stalin: if i feel a scratch, you are jsut dead

[15:27] Stalin: and no

[15:27] Stalin: i am not kidding

[15:27] Stalin: you drop taht dagger, now

[15:27] Fairy: please do not aim the bows int he same directioin as Ma'am

[15:27] Stalin: i am very serious about that

[15:28] Fairy: meat drop the dagger

[15:28] meat: Why should this one drop it?

[15:28] Princess takes aim at meat's butt

[15:28] Innocent Bystander says in a calm and amused voice, "You will all put down your bows and dagger."

[15:28] Stalin: meat, you are actually threatening a pregnant woman which is unarmed with a dagger

[15:28] Stalin: you are quite on the loosing track with that

[15:28] Fairy: meat drop the dagger, now

[15:28] meat: It is useless anyway so all a slave can do is take down Ma'am with her

[15:29] Stalin: you want to take me down?

[15:29] meat: If you threaten to kill this one

[15:29] Innocent Bystander: "meat..."

[15:29] meat: Or we can all calm down and have a nice pleasant chat

[15:29] Stalin: get Dagny here, now

[15:29] Fairy: meat, drop the dagger

[15:29] Stalin: oh, she iis off, too bad

[15:29] slave 1 blinks and looks up from her paperwork "meat nooooo.... Ma'am, the babies..."

[15:29] Innocent Bystander: (( She's not online. ))

[15:29] Stalin: ok, meat, here is the deal...

[15:30] Innocent Bystander: "Drop your bows.. show her you can be trusted, and rest assured she will do the same with her dagger."

[15:30] meat puts the dagger away and listens to Ma'am

[15:30] Fairy steps quickly between the two in the stage

[15:30] Stalin: you drop the dagger, and you are dismisssed - as house slave as well, and as teacher too

[15:30] Princess: sheath bow

[15:30] Fairy: MEAT that is enough

[15:30] meat drops the dagger

[15:30] Princess: ao off

[15:30] Princess: ao on

[15:30] Stalin: it was nice to have known you, good bye,, meat

[15:30] Fairy: this is not to go on, you are not to threaten a pregnant woman

[15:30] meat leaves the group

[15:31] meat: It was nice having known you

[15:31] Innocent Bystander: "What a hurried decision.. "

[15:31] meat: I am sorry

[15:31] Stalin: you can leave now

[15:32] meat: Please tell me what went wrong

[15:32] Innocent Bystander sighs at the words.

[15:32] Stalin: copy the chat log to Dagny and ask her

[15:32] Stalin: i am done with you

[15:32] Stalin: bye

[15:32] meat: (( I thought this was role play ))

[15:32] Innocent Bystander: "Ma'am.. please reconsider."

[15:32] meat: (( i swaid i needed to leave ... did not want to start RP ))

[15:32] Stalin: threatening to kill me is a form of disloyalty which i can not allow

[15:33] Stalin: we are done, meat

[15:33] Innocent Bystander: (( 15 minutes is not enough for roleplay ))

[15:33] Princess: acchannel 9

[15:33] Slave Collar Master Copy: Princess listening on channel 9.

[15:33] meat: (( please, I was stressed and under pressure - you always say we should not rp if there is not ime but forced me ))

[15:33] meat: (( Ma'am??? ))

[15:33] Stalin: ((yes??))

[15:34] meat: (( please forgive me ))

[15:34] Stalin: ((lets talk about it another day))

[15:34] meat: (( I did not want the RP now - i need to run to rl - I paniked ))

[15:34] meat: (( please ))

[15:34] Stalin: ((lets talk about it later, tomorrow, or so))

[15:34] meat: (( I love it here, Ma;am - invested time in the class and all ))

[15:35] slave 2: [meat, you won't help your situation pressing as you are right now.]

[15:35] Fairy: ((better to talk tomorrow, OK??))

[15:35] Innocent Bystander: (( Accept her offer, sis, while Ma'am is still generous with her offer to talk. ))

[15:35] meat: (( ok ))

[15:35] Fairy: ((go to your rl and talk later))

[15:36] Innocent Bystander: (( That certainly went badly.. ))